Dragon Dieting Tips

 

We've made it past Halloween, so now for some draconian dieting tips as you stare at all that candy and realize you have a lot of feasting ahead of you with Thanksgiving and Christmas. Dieting Dragon Says: Don't bite the heads off everyone who irritates you. That's far too many calories and you'll regret it. Possibly for reasons other than the calories. 

Explanation: Nightly and Knightly sound the same. Dragons eat the knights sent to slay them. If it happens in the evening, then it's nightly knightly snacks. 

Text:
D: My diet improved when I stopped having knightly snacks.

Live Music Question

 

I thought this one up when I was at a small diner that looked like it could have a live band at some point of the evening but we were there for lunch. It was during the summer so I've been holding this comic for a while, waiting for Halloween to approach. 

Explanation: A live band is usually the opposite of recorded music. However, due to Halloween, a live band is the opposite(ish) of an undead band. 

Alternate band names for the Ungrateful Undead: Deathhouse - Old Kids Under the Block - Green Night
(Bands being parodied: Grateful Dead - Lifehouse - New Kids On The Block - Green Day)

Text:
Man on phone: Hang on - let me check - Hey, do you have live music tonight?
Server: Not quite.
Zombie Band named Ungrateful Undead: *setting up and tuning*

Porcupine Forest

 

If I recall correctly, I thought up this whole series of "How goes the day?" comics after one particularly trying day with my darling children who are usually very well behaved but occasionally everything goes wrong. 

Text:
M: How goes the day?
L: Like a porcupine in a cactus forest.
M: Ah, not the smoothest. 

Pirate Irate

 

I recently watched Snow White (the original animated version) with my kids and wow that was a throwback to my childhood. I really like the original Disney animation style. The feature-length movie "The Reluctant Dragon" give an in-depth look at how it was done, with a man walking through all the different departments in Disney Animation and it is a fascinating watch. 

Explanation: Irate means angry, which is a stronger form of grumpy. Grumpy is one of the Seven Dwarves with Snow White. Pirate and irate rhyme. 

Text:
SW: What are you thinking about, my prince?
PC: If Grumpy was a buccaneer, he would be Pirate Irate. 

Mickey Donald

 

Yeah, there's a comma there but apparently I wasn't emphasizing it when spoken. Yes, I'm pretty sure Goofy is a dog but it's just weird when Pluto is also a dog.
We have been watching some of the classic old movies from my childhood (or before but I remember watching them as a kid) with the famous trio taking on classic fairy tales and stories (Prince and the Pauper, Jack and the Beanstalk, etc.) and it's been nice but also I've forgotten so much of those movies it's sort of like watching it anew (and also watching as an adult looking out for scary parts is different than watching as a kid about to be blindsided by unexpected happenings). 

Text:
L: We're gonna watch a Mickey, Donald, and Goofy movie.
R: That makes no sense!
L: What?
R: Mickey Donald?! It should be Mickey Mouse!!!
L: Three characters, my girl. Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and Goofy I don't know what he is.

Cold Butter Day

 

Some days it be like that. The effective speaker can convey so much through word pictures. Pray for your friends with young kids - the going can be rough. But really, pray for all of your friends, regardless of parenthood status. Everyone could use more prayer. 

Side note: if you need softened butter for a cookie recipe but only have frozen butter, you can grate the frozen stick and it blends amazingly well into batter. I forget where we found this backing hack but it's great for those who decide to make cookies on a whim. 

Text:
M: How goes the day?
L: Like cold butter on soft bread.
M: *cringe*

Driving Like Jehu

 

Brandon Lake has a catchy song (titled "That's Who I Praise"), and my man added another phrase to it. There's an Owl City song that mentions "driving like Jehu" - it's in "The 5th of July." We just listened to a classic Patch the Pirate adventure with the kids - "The Sneaky Sheik" - which has a camel named Jehu that runs crazy fast everywhere. The reference (haha) to Jehu is in 2 Kings 9:20 -
Again the watchman reported, “He reached them, but he is not coming back. And the driving is like the driving of Jehu the son of Nimshi, for he drives furiously.”

Text:
BL: 🎵I wanna dance like David, I want a faith like Paul, I wanna sing like Silas...🎵

M: 🎵I want to drive like Jehu🎵

L: 💗

Day Train

 

Everyone is fighting a battle you cannot see. But some people are fighting a battle you totally can see. Those people are parents. Especially parents of toddlers. Pray for your friends with kids. They need more prayer. 

On a humorous note, back in the day at my office job: one day I came home and said that there was a dumpster fire at work, only to explain it was literal and now there are signs about not smoking near the dumpster and definitely not throwing your cigarette in the dumpster and the smoking area is on the opposite side of the building. (FYI it was not me, I am not a smoker, I can neither confirm nor deny that my coworker was the culprit) 

Text:
M: How goes the day?
L: It's been a train wreck and my child is the driver.

Finger-Licking Clean

 

I like that my kids think up solutions but wow their thought process is not fully developed.

Text:
L: It's time to wipe your hands, buddy.
O: No, I already sucked on my fingers.
L: That's... not the solution you think it is.

Toddler's First Heresy

Happy early Birthday to my niece and brother-in-law!
Cubbies is the group of Awana for 3 and 4 year olds. My little guy is great at memorization but I have to work with him with some of the unfamiliar words so he don't just substitute with other, scriptural words. He also tends to dance around when I'm working with him, so I tried to capture that in the comic. 

Text:
L: Let's practice your verse for Cubbies: Genesis 1:1 - in...
O: In the beginning God ... worshipped the heavens and the earth.
L: Well, that is what we call heresy.

Updated Sayings: Fine As Dust

 

Clearly this is an update to "fine as a frog's hair" which is usually followed by "I reckon." I also was thinking of this as someone describing a friend, which would mean they're clingy and impossible to remove from your house. Drywall dust just gets everywhere and you think you cleaned it all up but no you haven't. There's always more.  And yes please, use this phrase wherever you can and report back on its reception.

Text:
A: We need to update some sayings.
B: I'm fine as drywall dust, I reckon.
A: Let's workshop it.

Updated Sayings: Ding Dongs for Thee

 

Yeah, it doesn't sound quite so somber or heavy. This is an update of John Donne's poem "For Whom the Bell Tolls." Granted, the bell in question is ringing out for a funeral I believe. The ding-dong cart (also called an ice cream truck) is a much happier tune. And again, please use this phrase whenever you can and report back on its reception. 

Text:
A: We need to update some sayings.
B: Ask not for whom the ding-dong cart ding-dongs - it ding-dongs for thee!
A: Let's workshop it.

Updated Saying: Burst Boba

 

Happy Birthday to my nephew and niece and a belated Happy Birthday to my sister-in-law!
There is a food truck in Hershey, PA, called Bursting Boba and it's all bubble tea. I have not stopped by it, but it's very colorful. What would this updated saying mean? I feel like it could be bursting your bubble. Please use this updated saying and report back on how it lands.

Text:
A: We need to update some sayings.
B: Don't that just burst your boba!
A: Let's workshop it.

Zoo Hybrids

 

I feel like I've done a similar comic before... Oh, my GMO animals comic is similar. And I just had to fact check myself because that one mentions squirrel monkeys and I have no recollection of those critters and thought I might have meant spider monkeys. Have no fear - both types of monkeys exist. 

We saw spider monkeys at the Beardsley Zoo - check it out if you're in the CT area. It's a nice little zoo. 

Text:
Sign: Welcome to the ZOO!
M: Next up are the spider monkeys.
L: Thankfully not a hybrid of those two creatures.

Parent Hood Haikus

Double Feature! 

Happy early Birthday to my brother!
Some days it be like that. Some kids know when you're on your last nerve and try to hop right on it. Other kids are completely oblivious as they trip over your last nerve. Does my household have both types? I will neither confirm nor deny. 

Sometimes I comic my thoughts - sometimes I haiku my thoughts - sometimes I do both. 

Text:
Parenthood Haiku:
Don't test me, my child.
I get text anxiety.
I know I will fail.

Parent Hood Haiku:
Rob the rich to feed
My kids one snack of berries,
Then do it again.