Duck Mango

 

Sometimes parenting is a lot of guesswork and I mean it's guessing what on earth your child is actually saying. We haven't even gotten into slang yet thankfully but wow toddlers learning concepts is a ride. The conversation pictured actually happened in my car and I could tell she was looking at the picture she had colored at the library so I had to wrack my brain as to what was on the picture (a bunch of summery items) and then what could be misconstrued as a duck and/or mango. 

Explanation: sometimes a kid can think all birds are ducks (like how some people say all sodas are cokes), and "mango" and "flamingo" sound similar so why not sub one for the other.

Text:
R: What this duck - a mango?
L: That bird is a flamingo.

Number Two on the List

 

I mean there's not much else to say about this one. In my defense, we're potty training a toddler over here so bathroom talk is just an everyday subject.

Text:
SP: My constipation is over!
LP: That's number one on my list of things I didn't want to know.
LC: I thought it'd be #2.

Shofar So Good

 

I thought this up at my cousin's wedding reception when I saw my niece standing on a large rock and blowing on a big stick that had a distinctive twist in it. I have only heard a shofar once, and that was back in college when I was leaving my Bible class - I heard a peculiar noise and looked over and there was my future brother-in-law, blowing a shofar in front of his class. Apparently they had waited until the class hour was over so that they wouldn't disturb the other classes, but this meant that many students witnessed this event.

Text:
M: Is that ram's horn working out as a trumpet for you?
P: It is shofar.

Odometer Reading

 

Clearly, since Europeans flip the month and day when writing the date [May 3 is written 3/5 rather than 5/3] then they also flip the beginning and end of the year [2024 becomes 2420]. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Also, why is "dyslexic" such a difficult word to spell???

Text:
M: The odometer was at 2420, so this year if you're dyslexic. 
L: I think that's how they write the year in Europe.

Literary Baseball

 

And now that's what I'll think the book and team are called. I remember reading it in high school and not liking it, but being forced to do things tends to paint said thing negatively. 

Explanation: the baseball team is the Seattle Mariners. The book is called Silas Marner.  

Text:
M: It's the Orioles vs. the Mariners, so that's Baltimore Orioles vs. -
B: The Silas Mariners. 

No Hare Out of Place

 

My pastor preached on 1 Corinthians 11 last week and he titled his sermon "Not a Hair Out of Place" and that spawned this comic. 

Explanation: "Hair" and "hare" sound the same but mean very different things. This comic plays on the phrase "not a hair out of place" which means everything is in order. And if the rabbits are all back in their enclosures, then things would all be in order. So it works both ways?

Text:
A: Did you get the rabbits all back in their enclosures?
B: Yep, not a hare out of place anymore.

Captcha Fail

  

This is a true story because there was a bug when creating a Steam account from the app that it wouldn't let you pass the Captcha. You had to create your account in the web browser then you could use the app to login. It was frustrating. 

Explanation: Failing a captcha over and over can make one questions their humanity. Maybe I really can't see which squares of the grid have bicycles. 

Text:
M: Did you open a Steam account?
L: No, it convinced me I'm a robot. 

Ruler Ruling

 

I hear that's a perk of being a ruler. You can just measure things because you are the ruler - who are those peasants to say that something is a different size? Or maybe you can just perfectly eyeball any object. I've heard it both ways.

Explanation: Yet again, rulers are a tool used to measure things and also a term for a leader, in this case a princess. I don't have any more ruler comics queued up but you never know, I might need to measure something and instead make a new comic.

Text:
A: I can't eyeball it - I need a ruler.
B: It's 2'x3'. 

Ruler of the Office Essentials

Scissors, you are being divisive. 

Explanation: A ruler is a tool to measure things but also is a term for a leader, i.e. the one in charge.

Text:
S: Why is he in charge? He just measures things.
P: He's our ruler.
R: *existing* 

Ruler Returns

 

Happy Independence Day! I still haven't seen Hamilton but I have listened to the music and King George III has some great songs. 

Explanation: A ruler is a tool to measure things, but it's also a term for the leader of a country. 

Text:
A: I hope this fits and I don't need to return it.
B: If only we brought a ruler ...
KG3: ♬ You'll be back, soon, you'll see ♬

July Fourth Medley

 

Get ready for the Independence Day concerts! We can only hope they pick someone who can truly sing the national anthem because you need a range and it can be done quite poorly. I saw a ranking somewhere of all the singers who've sung the anthem at NFL games and it was rather fascinating. But I don't remember where it was. But this would be an interesting medley to hear - each singer picks a song on the fly based on the last word of the previous phrase. 

Text:
A: ♬ O say, can you see -
B: ♬ See clearly now the rain -
C: ♬ Raining, oh baby it's raining, raining ♬

Day of Birth

 

I feel like if you know this answer, you're faking your identity. But now that I've posed the question, you might be curious what day of the week you were born. I know the day of the week for my kids but not for myself. 

Explanation: When verifying your identity, sometimes the questions are rather specific. Most everybody knows what day of the month they were born, but we don't log the day of the week. I considered asking week of the month, but if you're in the first week you probably know that.

Text:
S: Please verify your identity: on which day of the week were you born?
L: ... what?
S: DENIED!
L: Uh, Monday? [How many guesses do I get?]
S: DOUBLE DENIED!!

No Auto Idle

 

Speaking of new car features...

Explanation: The car salesman is talking about the auto idle system which is what "automatically switches the engine off at traffic lights and other brief stops, eliminating wasteful fuel consumption." However "idle" and "idol" sound the same and can lead to misunderstandings apparently. 

Text:
S: This car has auto idle-
M: NO IDOLS IN MY CAR!!!
L: DOWN WITH BAAL!!!

Car Safety Features

 

Some new safety features in cars are quite intrusive, but many safety features are just nice to have and help you drive more safely (like warning you that someone is in your blind spot). If you feel like this comic is targeting you, maybe reevaluate how you drive?

Text:
*redacted*: I can't stand all these new car safety features - turn them off!!! I don't want it telling me how or where to drive!!!
L: Quick question - would you want to be driven by someone who drives like you?

Car Color Options

 

Well that would be unfortunate. Yes, the drab color name is from a quote from one of the Pink Panther movies. 

Text:
S: Car color options are Radiant Red, Disgusting Drab, or "Color of the Day" which is where we mix up the leftover paint cans. 
M: Yeah, we'll take Radiant -
S: Oops, we're out of red.