Parent Hood Haikus

Double Feature! 

Happy early Birthday to my brother!
Some days it be like that. Some kids know when you're on your last nerve and try to hop right on it. Other kids are completely oblivious as they trip over your last nerve. Does my household have both types? I will neither confirm nor deny. 

Sometimes I comic my thoughts - sometimes I haiku my thoughts - sometimes I do both. 

Text:
Parenthood Haiku:
Don't test me, my child.
I get text anxiety.
I know I will fail.

Parent Hood Haiku:
Rob the rich to feed
My kids one snack of berries,
Then do it again.

Woodchuck's Cousin

 

A comic in three parts. 

It's autumn, so there are chubby woodchucks about. Or do you call them groundhogs? Whistlepigs? I haven't heard that last one before doing a search for other names of woodchucks. And yes, this is a comic inspired by my brother-in-law telling me to make a comic about this.

Text:
M: You should do a comic about a woodchuck upchucking wood.
L: *thinking*
Option 1:
U: Oh, no - you're looking for a woodchuck to remove those logs. I am an upchuck, and you don't want what I can do.
R: *horrified*
Option 2:
W: I am a woodchuck. But, due to my frequent nausea, they call me an upchuck.
R: *horrified*

Color Me Surprised

Bonus:

 

Happy Birthday to my Grandpa! He's the best. 
Thanks for helping, kiddos. What even is the origin of this saying? It might have to do with blushing. No paint, markers, or crayons needed. 

Text:
M: Well then, color me surprised.
L: Ok, where are the crayons.
Bonus:
R: I have finger paint!
O: Markers!

The Imagination of Children

 

My kids both have very active imaginations and therefore it's free entertainment for me to sip my tea and just watch whatever their getting into next. Any piece of paper can be a map, menu, or whatever is needed for the given scenario. Any toy can become the long lost treasure of an intrepid group of adventurers. It's just amazing to see these kids growing up into the next level of childhood. 

Text:
Title: The Imagination of Children
O: I NEED TO GO!!!
R: Where?
L: ?
O: To South America! To find blue unicorns.

Toddler Art Critic

 

The art in question, literally: 

My little artist is particular about his art being recognized for what it is. I think I did a rather good comic recreation of his artwork. He works with explosions of color and loads of joy, so you can't argue against that. I keep telling his older sister (who insists "he is just scribbling!") that you have to enjoy something before you get skilled in it. Don't diminish the first forays as amateur when that should be a badge of honor (doing something for the love of it rather than for payment). 

Text:

L: *Looking at artfully scribbled page* Is this... a chompadoo? That chomps things?
O: *exasperated* No, Mom, this is a chopadoo. It chops things!

Mommy, no, MomAI

 

Don't use AI or you could be next? Not that I use AI very much as a mom. Usually just to convert recipes to use the pan size I have, or find substitutions for ingredients I don't feel like taking a specific trip to the grocery store to procure. Also, now I'm thinking of the song "If I Were a Rich Man" from Fiddler on the Roof but it's now "If I Were an AI" and it's about drinking tons of water and having the quickest but not always correctest answer. 

Explanation: My name is Lauren. It didn't look right to do LAIren as it just looks like I'm shouting the start of my name. And Lairen just looks like a misspelling. 

Text:
M: AI is replacing everything!!!
L: Mom is now AI. LaurAIn.
Kids: *shocked*

Rocky Cartoons

 

Rocky and Bullwinkle is a favorite cartoon from my husband's childhood, however my children haven't seen much of it as there are perilous parts and my daughter doesn't handle those well. Rocky is apparently a dog in the Paw Patrol show (we don't watch it but my kids like the books from the library). I'm now remembering when my daughter heard "We Don't Talk About Bruno" and immediately thought of Cinderella's dog. Kids don't handle duplicate names well, and honestly most adults don't either but sometimes we don't make the connections like kids do.

Text:
Title: Cartoons
M: Is that a flying squirrel on your shirt? Like Rocky?
R: Dad, Rocky is a puppy. 

Chocolate Blueberry Pumpernickel

 

In an amazing turn of events, he like the pumpernickel! I did inform him clearly of the total lack of both blueberry and chocolate, and apparently I got through to him. 

Blog update: I am struggling to get pictures to upload, but if I inspect the page and show the console then the picture upload works? I'm not sure what's going on, but I did find a path forward so the blog can continue until whatever's broken gets sorted out. It seems an error is being thrown but if I'm looking for the error, it doesn't happen. Yay software. But I can see how this bug could get into prod since most devs have the console open to catch what's going on and therefore wouldn't see this. 

Text:
O: I want a chocolate blueberry bagel!
L: That's pumpernickel.
O: Ok, I want that.
L: Sure, let's see how this goes. 

Mobile Bad Decisions

 

I was out and about and saw this van advertising itself as a Mobile Tattoo lab. In my mind, they do the tattoos while driving about and that seems like a terrible idea. In reality, they probably park at a location like a food truck does but instead of getting a tasty treat you get painful and rather permanent artwork. I don't have tattoos so I wouldn't know why someone would be drawn to this (haha, pun). I just did a search on "mobile tattoo labs" to see if I could find the one I saw, but I'm only seeing tattoo buses and fancy mobile setups - the one I saw was like a white utility van with advertisements on all sides. It had a definite sketch factor but haha, that's a pun too.

Text:
M: That van is a mobile tattoo lab?!
L: They bring the bad decisions to you. 

Running Club

 

Happy Birthday to my Mom!
Tale as old as time. So that's how the Running Club gets more members. Here I was thinking people actually set out to join it, but it's all looking different now. The just ask you to take their photo, then say you don't have to join to take the photo, then amend to say you can join when you take the photo, then amend to say you can not take the photo and still join the club, then they keep amending as you walk into the gym to escape their pleas.

Text:
M: How was the gym this monring?
L: The Running Club asked me to take their picture then tried to recruit me.
M: That's how they get you. 

Wisdom of a Child

 

Nobody wants you to have the wisdom of a child. Faith of a child, sure. Wonder of a child, excellent. But that wonder and faith needs to be tempered by a caretaker with the wisdom of age. 

Text:
M: That's not a wise move!
R: When has that literally ever stopped us?
O: *Poking something he should not* 

Diavola

 

Surely I wasn't the only one that thought this. 

Explanation: Connections is an online puzzle game which gives you 16 tiles and you have to make 4 groups of 4 similar items. The day in question had "diavola" as one of the tiles (it's a spicy pizza) and I had to look it up but totally read it as diablo mixed with viola. Then that made me think of the song "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" which mentions a fiddle showdown. I don't really know the song but I had a friend recommend it for a roller coaster ride in Florida that let you pick a song to listen to while getting launched through the coaster (it might have been Hollywood Rip Ride Rockit but I totally thought it was Disney not Universal but we went to both parks during that trip so I get them confused).

Text:
A: Did you get the Connections puzzle today?
L: Yep.
A: Did you think "diavola" was an instrument that Satan plays?
L: 🎜The devil went down to Georgia... and picked up his viola. His diaviola.🎝

Most Wonderful Time (Repost)

 

So I have posted this one before but it's the perfect comic for September 1st. I did have to search a bit to find it because I had totally forgotten what I had called it. MostWonderfulTime? Wonderful? Time? Fall? Apple? Holiday? Nope, it was saved as "autumn" and yes "was" saved as that because I changed it to one of the first guesses I took at what it should be called. 

Text:
L: It's the MOST WONDERFUL TIIIIIIIME of the yeeeaaar!!! *holding maple leaf and apple cider*
Signs: Big E, Corn Maize, RennFest

Bug Workout

 

True Story, except it was like so: we walked across a park and when we came to a stop, a bug landed on my leg and I had to spaz a little bit to dislodge it and then my watch buzzed to say "you tracked a workout!" but it was referring to our little hike across the park, not the bug spaz. But I think the bug spaz should have counted as a HIIT session. 

Text:
M: I see you tracked a workout earlier today.
L: Yeah, a bug landed on my leg and would not get off.

Hand Biting Proverb

 

Someday, my children will see the wisdom of my words... as I'm just quoting proverbs from other wiser people. 

Explanation: "Don't bite the hand that feeds you" is a proverb meaning don't hurt the one that is giving you what you need, as that could discourage them from continuing to give you what you need. But self-harm is not usually what comes to mind with this proverb (unless you have a toddler, an uncoordinated one).

Text:
O: I bit my finger!!! *crying*
L: Buddy, don't bite the hand that feeds you.