Pond vs Ditch

Happy early Birthday to my father-in-law!

The landscape in question was a drainage pond or drainage ditch, depending on what you want to call it. It was empty of water - does that change the name? 

Text:
M: There's a pond over there, but it doesn't have any water.
N: That's a ditch.

It's a Tie

 

Happy Birthday to my littlest brother who's actually the tallest of us all!
So my friend posted pictures of her dogs both wearing matching bandanas and this comic was formed. I feel it could be done with two guys wearing bolos as well. Pretty much any neckwear could work with this joke. And in my head, the second character has the voice of the yellow M&M.

Explanation: the one character says it's a tie, meaning both win, but the second character misinterprets the statement to mean a tie like a necktie and corrects him to say the dogs are wearing bandanas, not ties. 

Text:
A: Who wore it better? Trick question - it's a tie!!!
B: No, it's a bandana. 

Goto Sleep

The struggle is real.
In programming, the goto command is much maligned because it's a great way to get spaghetti code (where the logic is all tangled up and unstructured). 

Text:
M: Goto sleep
L: Evil goto!

Farkle Scoring

 

To be clear, Farkle is a game that is played with standard 6-sided dice. This means the highest number you can roll is a 6. To be fair, you can score 850 in Farkle by rolling all six of your dice in a scoring way then re-rolling them and scoring a few more points. Or you could roll three 6's (600), two 1's (200), and one 5 (50). But at that point you could keep rolling with a fresh six dice, so why would you stop there? You could also roll three 4's (400), two 1's (200), and one 5 (50) then re-roll all six and get two 1's (200) and the rest is garbage (two 4's, a 6, and a 3). Many legit ways to get to 850. But I like the three 8's and a 5 way :)

Text:
Title: Farkle
A: How did you score 850?
B: I rolled three 8's and a 5. 

Happy Little Dinosaur

 

My husband got me a cute game for Christmas called Happy Little Dinosaurs and it's fun to play, with great artwork. It can be rather cut-throat, so maybe don't play with highly competitive people. I have the main dino on a shirt and I got a coordinating one for my husband as well. 

Text:
M: Are you my Happy Little Dinosaur?
L: I am not happy, little, or a dinosaur!

Twix Sleeves

 

In my opinion, Twix are the best candy. I like them a lot, Don't ruin them by storing them in your sleeve to make this pun. Or maybe you can do it once, because it is a great pun. 

Also, an early Happy Birthday to my niece!

Text:
P: Why is there a chocolatey mess on your arm?
C: I have a few Twix up my sleeve.

Fake Tears Pricing

 Basically the conversation my sister-in-law had with my daughter. Little one does not like anyone other than her parents holding her, some exceptions are granted for grandparents or cousins. Maybe for uncles and aunts if she doesn't realize they aren't her parents - you have to have plenty of distractions. Oh well, eventually she'll get over it. 

Text: 
S: Those tears are fake - I don't buy it.
L: I offer them for free.

Library Testing

 

When in doubt, go to the library? Our local library has a lot of helpful departments, like the DIY Education Center where you can borrow all sorts of tools for building, baking, crafting, and more! Need a ladder and a putty knife? Borrow them! Want to try crochet but don't want to buy hooks in case it doesn't work out for you? Borrow the hooks and also a How-To book! Want to make a cake that needs a specific pan that you will probably never use again? Borrow the pan! It's amazing. However, I'm certain you cannot borrow a medical test. The library might be a distribution source for the tests so you could check if they are giving them out, but yeah no borrowing. 

Text:
A: Where can we find CoVid tests?
B: Try the library.
A: Do you... borrow one?
C: Do they want it returned?

Shirt Eater

 

I have found that my little one really likes the images on my shirts - she just sucks on or licks them and it's annoying to have a wet spot on your shirt but I think that's just part of having a small child. Wet spots everywhere. She also really likes when I wear super soft, fluffy clothes - she sucks on and licks them too. So maybe she just eats whatever I'm wearing. The big deal is to get her to not bite me. 

Text:
Title: Parenting Life
L: Why are you eating my shirt?!?

IAETSP: Great Views

This is an older one, and this series could use a more pronounceable abbreviation. Now I'm wondering how you would say that. Here are some others from this series: 1 2 3 4 Will I make more in this series? There's always a possibility!

Text:
CP: In an effort to stay positive, this place has great views!

Little Sneezer

Happy early Birthday to my brother-in-law!
Yes, I switched up her crown to be a laurel for this one. Yes, when my daughter sneezes I encourage her to make it bigger and louder (have a comic for later about this). Are you thinking "pizza, pizza" when you think of Little Caesars? Because that's what comes to my mind. I haven't been to a Little Caesars in a very long time - I think in college was my last visit. Now I have to check - yes, Little Caesars is still around.

Explanation: the joke is that the baby sneezes a lot so she has a laurel crown to liken her to the mascot of Little Caesar's. This is a play on the words 'sneezer' and 'Caesar' (pronounced like 'seizure') sounding similar. 

Text:
A: Why is your daughter wearing a laurel crown?
L: She's my Little Sneezer.

Classic Escape

I feel like this phrase, while very accurate, won't catch on due to the gross factor. Like, we all know it happens but we don't want to be reminded of it. Speaking of that, I need to go stain-kill my daughter's high chair cushion. 

Text:
P1: She escaped?!?
P2: Like poop from a diaper.

Fashion Misadvice

Start the new year with bold fashion? Make a statement! Mismatch the plaids! Make it a trend? Confidence is key! 

Happy New Year - as my local Christian radio station says, "Make Hope Louder" as we dive into 2022.

Text:
M: I feel too casual in my blue plaid shirt.
L: Wear your orange plaid bowtie with that.
M: Would those even work together?
L: Nope.