Eternal Sickness of a Toddler Winter

 

Some days it be like that. Why are kids the best at sharing germs? It's like they won't give you the remote but they will sneeze directly in your eyeball. No snuggles at bedtime but all the snuggles when a tissue is direly needed.

Oh, here's the sketch this one came from:

Text:
Title: Eternal Sickness of a Toddler Winter
R: It's my turn to mutate the virus!
N: *handing over green blob* Ok, give it back when you are done.

Tool Search

 Not much to add.

Explanation: Calling someone a tool is an insult. The awkward pause makes it seem like the worker is self-labeling an insult. 

Text:
Title: Home Improvement Store
L: I'm looking for a tool. *shows phone*
W: Well, I'm right here.
...
W: And! I can help.

No Solution Desired

My child does not like waiting for me to finish my breakfast tea. I don't like rushing into the day. We are at an impasse. But as far as solutions go, I'm super grateful for my Yeti tumbler (not a sponsor) - I got it at an Alumni meetup from my college and it works wonderfully. It keeps my tea hot for hours! One time, I made boiling hot tea at 9am, sealed it and put it in my car out in the winter weather, then didn't drink it until after lunch around 2pm and it was perfect drinking temperature. If you're a parent who keeps getting pulled away from their tea and coming back to a cold cup, I think this is an excellent solution. 

Text:
R: Play with me!
L: I want to finish my tea first.
R: Use a fermos*
L: I don't want a solution.
*thermos

Penne for your Thoughts

 

You rigatotally had me there. If you want to know the difference in these noodles, see here: https://www.paesana.com/blog/lets-talk-about-pasta-the-difference-between-penne-ziti-and-rigatoni 

Explanation: "Penny" and "penne" sound similar and "penny for your thoughts" is a normal phrase. 

Text:
A: Why are you handing me a pasta noodle?
B: Penne for your thoughts?
A: That's rigatoni. 

Toddler Logic

 

Some days it be like that. This is a true story, depicting Oriole dumping out the freshly tidied up toys. But kids want to play and learn and not stick with your schedule. 

Text:
M: Why are you doing that - that's not helpful!
L: There's your answer.

Second Try

 

It's probably not fine, but we're gonna click the red button to surely find out! I thought this one up in a conversation with my brother, but I don't remember the context. 

Text:
A: Third time's the charm!
B: But this is the second try?
A: Yep, I have a bad feeling about this attempt.

Wine Cheese Candy Pairings

 

And a Happy New Year :) I have not done this but I am considering. Please remember that all information online is not to be taken at face value. Sometimes when people say to mix M&M's with your uncooked popcorn then pop or say to put a pickle slice inside your chocolate chip cookies, they are just wrong. Check those vibes. 

Text:
L: I want to make one of those wine/cheese/candy pairing lists.
M: But you're lactose-intolerant and dry?
L: Gonna run it on vibes only. 

Elijah the Turtle

 

She's holding two Magnatiles like a book there. She was being very creative and yet not very creative. I like how kids hear a word and break it down into words they know. You get some interesting results. 

Text:
R: This story is about a turtle named... Elijah! And another turtle named Elijah. And... a gorilla named ...
L: Melchizedek.
R: Yeah, a gorilla named Milk Cow. 

Keep the Spares

 

This is a great organization hack until your item gets discontinued so the peripherals run dry OR they update and don't keep the old peripherals for sale OR if you need the side items in an urgent way and can't wait for shipping. There are a few caveats, so keep that in mind. 

Explanation: it's hard to remember where the spare parts are stored, and if you can't find them then maybe you just need to order more, and on that note why not just order new when you run out rather than keeping more on hand?

Text:
L: Where do we keep the spare filters for this?
M: ... on Amazon!

All I Want for Christmas is...

 

Merry Christmas Eve!

How dare someone not cue in to the lyrics you're quoting. But a Merry Christmas can still be had! By sharing your heart or something like that? Don't give it away the next day though - that's rude. 

Explanation: Maria Carey sings "All I Want for Christmas is You" and the lyrics start out "I don't want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need" then resolves with the title so that's what I was going for here. (By him saying "nothing comes to mind" he's implying that he doesn't want her.)

Text:
L: Do you want a lot for Christmas?
M: No.
L: Aw, is there just one thing you need? 💗
M: Nothing comes to mind.

Angel Harold

 

"Lo, how a rose e'er blooming," ... "As angel heralds said"

Explanation: "Herald" and "Harold" sound the same and I thought of this while singing the song "Lo, How a Rose E'er Blooming" last year. 

Text:
A: Who said there was an ever-blooming rose - the gardener Harold?
B: Nope, different Harold. 

Christmas Stockings

 

I feel like this song needs a solid update - nobody should be gifting a hammer with tacks to a child. That's just inviting bad decisions. A whistle is ok, if you're a fan of shrill noises. A whip? Maybe they're an Indiana Jones fan. I think the ultimate stocking stuffers are socks and candy. Maybe some soap or little trinkets. Nothing that can harm someone or damage furniture. 

BREAKING NEWS: Super Simple Songs has an updated version! Here it is! No weird gifts listed!

Text:
D: Where are the Christmas stockings to hang up?
M: We aren't putting them up after last year, with the whips and tacks. 

Jingle Baal Rock

 

That's the Jingle Baal, that's the Jingle Baal, that's the Jingle Baal Rock! I keep typing "ball" instead of "baal" because one of those words is much more common that the other. Also this comic brings to mind someone else's post about Lord of the Rings with a Jingle Balrog. 

Explanation: stone=rock, Canaanite idol=Baal, festive sleigh bells=jingle.

Text:
A: Why does your stone Canaanite idol have festive sleigh bells?
L: That's my jingle Baal rock.

Because I Want To

So my preschooler often explains her reasoning with simply "because I want to" and yeah that's not what we're looking for usually. This is basically a Christmas comic because around Christmastime there are SO MANY GOODIES that have dairy and are SO hard to resist. 

Text:
M: That has dairy - should you be eating that?
L: Nope.
M: Why are you eating that?
L: Because I want to.
M: Wow, quoting the three-year-old. 

Honey Bug

 

Nobody tell him?

Explanation: Honey is from bugs. Bees, to be specific. It's, well, regurgitated by the bees. Yum!

Text:
A: I cannot BELIEVE some people want us eating bugs - YUCK! I don't want to eat anything to do with any bugs!!!
S: Would you like honey in your tea?
A: Yes, please.