Thursday, July 19, 2018

Flying Sauces


Who wouldn't want to see a condiment circus? I mean, it could be interesting? I didn't include purple ketchup because I just remembered that was a thing a one point. There really aren't that many condiments. Unless you start thinking through the sauces at Chick-Fil-A because they have lots but let's face it, most people just get CFA sauce. It's so tasty.

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Blue's Prints


Oh, Blue's Clues. Not the most intellectually stimulating of shows. I much preferred Kim Possible. That show was excellent - dry humor, loads of puns, what more could you want.

Sunday, July 15, 2018

Camel's Nose


I heard this phrase in a sermon a while ago and decided to draw it. Here's the meaning, because I didn't figure it out right away. Mark explained it to me by reminding me of my parent's dog Tana (a newfie mutt), who would put one paw on my lap and if you didn't push it off she would put her other front paw up then heave herself onto your lap (she was like 80lbs) and you couldn't easily push her off and also she was so happy on your lap. She was a very good dog.

Thursday, July 12, 2018

Dairy Interactions: Soy


Yet again, a very true story. She stated it very matter-of-factly. I just rolled with it. I get that people think all milk comes from a cow, but there just isn't a word for milk alternatives.

Text:
A: Do you have non-dairy milk?
B: No. We only have whole, skim, and soy.
A: ... Ok, soy please.

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Dairy Interactions: Salad


Yet again a very true story - they remade my salad but the waitress acted kinda surprised that I wanted no cheese on my salad AND no cheese in my dressing. I believe people are under the impression that only people trying to lose weight would avoid dairy instead of realizing that there are many people who just can't eat it.

Text:
A: I asked for no cheese on my salad.
B: We didn't put cheese on your salad. That cheese is from the dressing on the salad.

Sunday, July 8, 2018

Dairy Interactions: Skim

Sadly a true story. I now know to just say almond and they usually will suggest a proper alternative, but not always. It is annoying to be lactose intolerant, but there are many worse health issues out there, like being actually allergic to dairy.

Text:
A: Do you have non-dairy milk?
B: So like, skim?
A: ...No.

Thursday, July 5, 2018

Appendix Arriving

Mail order organs? Especially one that you don't get replaced - once it betrays you, you never trust one again. This seems like a bad plan all around, and also most likely illegal. And also deadly. Don't get your internal organs on Amazon.

Tuesday, July 3, 2018

Appendix Leaving


My brother-in-law, who's only slightly older than me, had his appendix try to kill him a few weeks ago. He was able to get the surgery before it exploded in him. It's so weird that we have an organ that can just decide to mount a mutiny and we don't know what it does but we just leave it alone until it tries to rebel, at which point we throw it away.

Sunday, July 1, 2018

Romans 5


So we had a speaker preach and he was going on and on about how our father Adam sinned and it's just hard to focus on what he means and not take it personally if your real Dad's name is Adam. I'm trying to find the sermon and I think it's this one but if you're wanting to hear a variety of speakers, my church is currently without a pastor so we have many different men on rotation so you can go to one place and get a wide selection! Want to check out our sermons? Go Here.

Thursday, June 28, 2018

Letter Switch


The more you know... Technically it's just that they both start with the same stroke (of differing height) and it's all about how you finish the letter that determines the letter. But it is a weird saying.

Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Take a Gander


So that's an interesting phrase that makes no sense literally. Apparently per dictionary.com at one point 'gander' was a verb that meant to stretch your neck to see something, and geese have long necks, so that's related. But I think it'd be cooler to say 'take a giraffe at this' and we should all start saying that instead.

Sunday, June 24, 2018

Generate a UUID


A UUID is a Universally Unique IDentifier, which is normally used to uniquely identify data in a system. This means, if you're using the proper length, it's extremely unlikely to mess up the above "magic" trick (especially if your audience doesn't know the standard length and therefore/most likely will chose a shorter UUID to generate on the spot and make it nearly impossible to mess up this trick). Try it at home with those around you! It'll be great.

Thursday, June 21, 2018

A Feather in Our Hat


And I'm proud to be from Connecticut, where at least I know there's .... nutmeg? (to the tune of "I'm Proud to be an American"). We also have tobacco, insurance, and high taxes.
Yes, the state song of CT is Yankee Doodle, and I was at work a while ago and a manager sent out a memo saying the above statement and it took all of my willpower not to react in the above way. Because what else do you call a feather in a cap? (If you are unaware, back in the Colonial days French fashion was called 'macaroni' and hence the lyrics of the famous ditty. It was supposed to be a derogatory song but instead we made it our state anthem.)

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Happy Father's Day


Happy belated Father's Day!
So when we were kids, there were massive barn spiders in the house. They were horrifyingly big, and we would get my dad to kill them. At the time, it was just me and my sisters and my parents, so my Dad was the only man in the house; we had to stop using 'man-eating' as a descriptor for the huge spiders because 'you girls and your Mom are all safe then!'
How big were the spiders? Well, this one time we trapped a spider under a cup to await my Dad getting home from work so he could kill it, and the spider MOVED THE CUP and we put a dictionary on top of the cup so it wouldn't scoot away.

Sunday, June 17, 2018

Germany and Switzerland, Part 4


I wrote up another one! So many memories made. I don't know why schnitzel has an English word that nobody uses, but yeah we saw 'escarole' on menus and only knew what it was since the menus had both English and German on them. And the tuna sandwich wasn't bad. Tuna in German is thunfisch, which I always read as thunderfish. The vending machine was in the airport and we had to hurry to find our gate and as a result, didn't have time to get lunch and the two-hour flight from Zurich to London didn't serve food so I needed something before boarding and the vending machine had a sandwich with cheese or a sandwich with fish, and I'm lactose intolerant so that limited my options. But it was tasty (and also I was quite hungry).