Not Short Order Cook

This may have been inspired by a sign about being "short staffed" and someone complaining that they should hire taller people.

Explanation: A "short-order cook" is not referring to their size, it's referring to the time it takes to make meals (they make things that are quick like sandwiches or eggs apparently). 

Text:
A: Are you a short-order cook?
B: I'm a slightly-above-average-order cook. 

Tempural Consequences

 

So a few weeks ago, my pastor mentioned "temporal consequences" when teaching about the life of David and the king's sins. I thought "temporal" sounded like "tempura" and here we are. 

Explanation: Stealing is bad. A temporal consequence of stealing could be jail time and a criminal record. A tempural consequence would be getting the item coated in a thin batter then deep fried. 

Text:
D: You're battering and frying the vegetables that I stole?!?
N: Tempural consequences!

Ungodly Amount of Salt

Quite the measurement.

Tongs in a Pinch