Christmas Stockings

 

I feel like this song needs a solid update - nobody should be gifting a hammer with tacks to a child. That's just inviting bad decisions. A whistle is ok, if you're a fan of shrill noises. A whip? Maybe they're an Indiana Jones fan. I think the ultimate stocking stuffers are socks and candy. Maybe some soap or little trinkets. Nothing that can harm someone or damage furniture. 

BREAKING NEWS: Super Simple Songs has an updated version! Here it is! No weird gifts listed!

Text:
D: Where are the Christmas stockings to hang up?
M: We aren't putting them up after last year, with the whips and tacks. 

Jingle Baal Rock

 

That's the Jingle Baal, that's the Jingle Baal, that's the Jingle Baal Rock! I keep typing "ball" instead of "baal" because one of those words is much more common that the other. Also this comic brings to mind someone else's post about Lord of the Rings with a Jingle Balrog. 

Explanation: stone=rock, Canaanite idol=Baal, festive sleigh bells=jingle.

Text:
A: Why does your stone Canaanite idol have festive sleigh bells?
L: That's my jingle Baal rock.

Because I Want To

So my preschooler often explains her reasoning with simply "because I want to" and yeah that's not what we're looking for usually. This is basically a Christmas comic because around Christmastime there are SO MANY GOODIES that have dairy and are SO hard to resist. 

Text:
M: That has dairy - should you be eating that?
L: Nope.
M: Why are you eating that?
L: Because I want to.
M: Wow, quoting the three-year-old. 

Honey Bug

 

Nobody tell him?

Explanation: Honey is from bugs. Bees, to be specific. It's, well, regurgitated by the bees. Yum!

Text:
A: I cannot BELIEVE some people want us eating bugs - YUCK! I don't want to eat anything to do with any bugs!!!
S: Would you like honey in your tea?
A: Yes, please. 

Alphabetic McDonald Farm

 

Mash those songs together, little man! He doesn't know his alphabet (other than the first four letters) but he does know his animals and sounds. Usually. He does not like to perform so when asked he usually quiets or does the wrong one. You do you, I guess?

Text:
O: 🎵 Now I know my E-I-E-I-O 🎵
L: Remix! Or mashup? Medley!

Turkey and Mistletoe

 

As I wrote this, I was thinking of the t-shirt I saw somewhere that postulated "Surely not everybody was kung fu fighting." Anyways, pausing this song right hear changes the meaning quite a bit (the full phrase is "Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe helps to make the season bright").

Text:
A: Surely not everybody knows a turkey, and mistletoe too!
B: You'd be surprised...

Obedience When In View

 

Happy Birthday to my sister-in-law! So many birthdays this week.

Oh, the honesty of preschoolers. We have rules, people, and they aren't just when Mom is around.

Text:
L: No standing on chairs, my girl.
R: Oh yeah, no standing on chairs when Mom is in the room.
L: ... wait a minute.

Birthday Celebration

 

Happy Birthday Eve to my sister!!!
So Chick-Fil-A had these Conversation Starter sets as the prize in 4+ kids meals, and we got some a few times before I remembered that they weren't doing the Peaceable Kingdom games anymore (those are great for my preschooler - not so much for the conversation starters). 

Explanation: There's a phrase "shoot for the moon" which means (quick Google AI Overview) "to set a very ambitious goal, aiming for something that might seem difficult to achieve, even if it means you might not reach it completely; essentially, strive for the best possible outcome, no matter how challenging it appears."

Text:
L: Where would you like to celebrate your next birthday?
M: The moon.
L: Well, that's something to shoot for.

Common Pitfall

 

Happy Birthday Eve to my aunt!

Classic Benaiah. Also, I had to Google "common pitfalls" and find one that fit nicely into this conversation.

2 Samuel 23:20 - "And Benaiah the son of Jehoiada was a valiant man of Kabzeel, a doer of great deeds. He struck down two ariels of Moab. He also went down and struck down a lion in a pit on a day when snow had fallen."

Text:
A: The lack of clear objectives is crippling, Benaiah!
B: That is a common pitfall. And you know, friend -
A: Wait, pit? NO -
B: when you're in a pit -
A: Dude, it was one time!
B: always check for snow and lions!

Thing We Don't Need

 

What's this, a special Black Friday comic???

Text:
L: Do we need one? *holding a thing we don't need*
M: Nope.
L: ... you're right, we need at least two.

Thanks Three

 

Happy Thanksgiving! I thought about putting that in Greek but it's an American holiday and I don't feel like figuring out the translation. I learned a little Greek in high school and picked up a little more practical skill with a certain green owl recently. 

Explanation: The phrase "it's Greek to me" means you don't understand something. The one guy is saying "thanks" in Greek.

Text:
Title: Thanks #3
B: What's your thank you pun today?
A: ευχαριστώ!
B: ... it's Greek to me.

Thanks Two

 

Another bilingual comic? You bet. 

Explanation: In Spanish, "thank you" is "gracias" which when mispronounced sounds like "grassy ax." 

Text:
Title: Thanks #2
B: What's this?
A: A "thank you" gift - a grassy ax!
B: ...

Thanks One

How is it the week of Thanksgiving already? Time to get to the grocery store before everybody else realizes it's the week of Thanksgiving. Please ignore this fact until tomorrow so I can get to the store today before everyone and their mother-in-law are there. 

Explanation: In German, "thank you" is "Danke schön" which is pronounced almost like "donkey shawn" but if someone knows that's what you're saying they will probably not be impressed.

Text:
Title: Thanks #1
A: Donkey Shawn!
B: You are not welcome. 

Fade to Black

 

And cut! Gotta get all spiffy for the holidays.

Explanation: A "fade" is a hairstyle for men. "Fade to black" is a cinematic idiom (often at the end of a scene) where the lighting fades all the way to dark. 

Text:
B: You want a trim and dye job?
C: Yep, make it fade to black. 

Complete Games

 

Some games have completion paths (like Legend of Zelda - go defeat Ganon and that's the endgame). Other games are melee based where you select a character and the teams face off against each other (like DOTA2 or Smash Bros) and you can play as many matches as you want but there isn't a big bad that you are defeating - you're more learning the characters and how to best face off against other characters while fighting little battles. Still other games are more open world where you can build stuff and again there isn't an end goal of victory, it's more engineering (I believe Valheim and Minecraft are examples of this). So if you're playing games in the latter categories, there isn't a completion. So I guess one of those is the only game you'll need. 

Text;
L: You shouldn't buy a new game until you complete the ones you already have.
M: WHAT.
L: Go finish DOTA2 and Valheim.

Desserting

 

How sweet?

Explanation: "Dessert" is a sweet treat after a meal. "Desert" (as a verb) means to abandon.

Text:
A: He desserted me!
L: I can tell, by the sprinkles. 

Tripping Like Javert

 

Yep, a Les Misérables reference. I don't recall what brought it to mind, but I was listening to Broadway soundtracks on a recent trip. I agree with the character above that that is a terrible metric. 

Text:
A: HAHA you tripped!
B: Well, I didn't fall as Lucifer fell so I'm good.
A: Sure thing Javert.
C: That is a HORRIBLE metric.

Taking a Survey

 

True story. I don't recall what survey I was filling out but I thought, sure I'll answer some more questions BUT NOT LIKE THAT. 

Text:
Title: Taking a survey:
Q1: Are you open to us reaching out to ask further questions? [Yes] [No]
Q2: Enter your phone number and a team member will give you a call. [Back]
Q1: Are you open to us reaching out to ask further questions? [Yes] [No]

Neck Gator

 

I was in Costco recently and saw that they have their winter stuff out including neck gaiters and I though, hehe neck gators. Now I'm thinking of crocheting a crocodile scarf and calling it a neck gator or crocheting an actual gaiter that looks like an alligator. I'm sure it's been done and I could find a pattern...

Explanation: Alligators (commonly confused with crocodiles) are known as 'gators' for short. A tight infinity scarf is called a neck gaiter. I just learned that gaiters are for your lower legs but now that I think about it, I already knew that from like Peter Rabbit stories or something. 

Text:
A: Why do you have a crocodile around your shoulders?
B: That's my neck gator. 

Mailbox Stroll

 

This is one that I thought up with Robin in mind but it took so long to actually draw that I changed it to Ori. You can tell by the crown color - Robin is gold while Ori is silver. We have one of those mail grids in the center of the street rather than mailboxes at each house (or even in a group). So it is an endeavor to go get the mail. And there are usually leaves and sticks to investigate on the way. I've learned to not be in a rush and just take the half hour for a two minute stroll. 

Explanation: "But" is a conjunction that a sentence hinges on; "butt" is your rear and where a baby wears their diaper.

Text:
L: We need to go for a walk to the mailbox - butt first, let's change your diaper.

Waffling Politicians

 

Sometimes I skip steps in my conversations. I've been using a Krusteaz buttermilk waffle mix but using the measurements from a King Arthur mix and sifting the mix really makes a good difference. They're super fluffy and tasty. Also, making the batter in the morning is way better than making the night before and chilling in the fridge - it tends to deflate in the cold. 

Text:
M: Those politicians keep changing their stances!
L: Oh, we're out of eggs.
M: *confused*
L: They are waffling and I want waffles so I could make the batter BUT...
M: Ah, I see.

Spit Back

 

Based on a true story, this conversation went all over the place and none of those places were expected. I don't think that's how you assert dominance with llamas but you never know until you try? Also I'd like to know the neighbor's thoughts when you have an off-the-wall political slogan sign with a non-election year on it. 

Text:
S: The meat is spitting at me!
L1: Treat it like a llama and spit back - assert dominance!
S: ... treat it like Obama???
L2: I already made the signs. 
Sign: SPIT BACK 2025

Tearable Idea

Halloween disclaimer/warning: today's comic is a little gross so if you're squeamish maybe skip it.

You have been warned.

Proceed at your own risk.

There's not much else to say about this one. I debated posting it for a while then realized it could work for this holiday that's all about icky things. 

Explanation: I'm not gonna explain this one. Just think it through and notice the terrible/tearable pun. 

Text:
A: Holding a baby while wearing dangly earrings is a terrible idea.
L: Yep, tearable. 

Intentional Grounding

And a bonus version:

I sometimes come up with multiple versions of a comic and today's is an example of this. My little one likes to say "uh-oh" for intentional actions and, while cute, is not the proper verbal cue for that situation. Sometimes you need a ref to add order to your life. I've heard of life coaches, but not life referees. There's a market to get into on the first level or whatever they call that.

Text:
O: Uh-oh!!! *threw down his duckie*
L: That's not an uh-oh - that's intentional grounding.
Ref: intentional grounding!

Marble Race

 

This situation has been rectified (in that I have bought marbles). On an unrelated note, my preschooler's half-birthday is today! This means we should watch the "CinderElmo" movie because I recall a scene from it:
King: How old are you?
CinderElmo: three and a half.
King: I now declare you four! 

Explanation: To "lose your marbles" is to not have full control of your mental facilities, and that is how it feels so often when dealing with children (either describing you or them). 

Text:
R: Want to Marble Race!
L: We cannot because all the marbles in this house have been lost. In both senses. 

Nose Sucker Campaign

 

Trying to keep my kids from perpetually having colds is a full-time job. I'm trying to teach my preschooler to blow her nose by putting tissue paper in a cardboard tube and trying to get her to blow it out with her nose but it's a work in progress. Until that skill is unlocked, she must have the alternative used on her. 

Text:
L: The "Say  Yes to the Nose Sucker" campaign is not going well.
M: *pondering*
R&O: No No No No No No No No No No No No 

Tilt the Graph

 

It's an upward curve when you flip it over, like turn that frown upside-down.

Text:
A: How are the sales numbers?
B: We're on an upward trend - just tilt the graph.

Final Meltdown

 

I wrote this one a while ago but it's still very valid. Especially with the toilet training. But it's getting easier with Robin just in time for things to ramp into overdrive with Oriole. Yay. Also I wrote a similar comic back in March so that could be why I feel some déjà vu. 

Explanation: There's a hard rock song "Final Countdown" but I changed the lyrics to be parenthood related. 

Text:
M: It's the ♫FINAL MELTDOWN🎝 *electric guitar noises*
L: Nope, this is probably third out of seven for today.
R: *scream crying*

Manly Bugs

 

Happy Birthday to my brother-in-law! 
The mind of a preschooler is truly amazing. She knows what ladybugs are, and if it's not a ladybug then clearly it must be the opposite. What I think is impressive is that she now knows what lanternflies are and will point them out to me to squash because she knows that's what we do. 

Text:
R: There were bugs outside!
L: What kind, ladybugs?
R: No, not ladybugs.
L: Manly bugs?
R: Yeah, manly bugs.  

DOTA2 Under Attack

 

I always think this line is funny because, you're in a fighting game and he's all outraged/surprised like what did you expect man? For people to not attack you? But to be fair in the game it's physical attacks not verbal, so he's right to be surprised/outraged in my comic here. 

Explanation: Enchantress is half-deer and very protective of the forest I believe so she would have a problem with someone whose main attack is shooting fire out his mouth. 

Text:
Title: DOTA2: A Day in the Life - Dragon Knight
Enchantress: Dragons are HORRIBLE for the forest - fire destroys everything good!
Dragon Knight: I am under attack!

Stay as Long as You'd Like

 

Our two hours of enjoyment have expired and we are ready to go home. There are definite perks to being an introvert couple, like we're both ready to leave a party after the same rather short time, but it is hard when neither of us want to go to a thing but we should go to the thing. It was looking like our preschooler might be an extrovert, but she recently has been asking "why are we going out and about?" and wanting to stay home so maybe things are changing. 

Explanation: The host is encouraging everyone to stay and socialize, but the couple has drained their social batteries and will not be swayed. 

Text:
Title: Introverts
H: No need to rush out - stay as long as you'd like!
L: Oh, we have. 
M: *holding hand, ready to leave*

Carousel Communication

 

Did you know that some antique stores have carousel horses for sale? Sometimes they aren't full-sized, more like 3/4-sized, but some have full-sized ones. Sometimes they have the original paint job, while others have been painted one solid color, to make them seem more like a classic statue. And yes, the horse has the pole in the middle just like on the carousel so it's on a stand like that. I don't think it's a good addition to a household with small children but maybe someday. Until then, maybe a music-box-sized one will do. Why would I want a carousel horse? It could be because my grandmother has a few in her house. It's certainly not because I wanted to write carousel so many times - I think I know how to spell it by now. 

Text:
L: A carousel horse would fit nicely in our house.
M: We don't have a carousel horse. We aren't getting a carousel horse.
L: Maybe in the front room, or behind the couch. 

Monster Trucks and Toddlers

 

That's fair. 

Text:
L: We could take the kids to a monster truck rally.
M: Aren't those extremely loud?
L: So are the kids.
R: ROAR!
O: rawr!

Mad Method

 

Sometimes people just don't see things the same way as you. Specifically the way you sort things. The phrase I'm playing on is "the method to one's madness" which means that there is often a reason behind someone's mysterious behavior. But often does not mean always. And sometimes someone's method is just madness. 

Text:
L: There's a method!
M: But it's madness!

Traffic Lights

 

Happy Birthday Eve to my niece and nephew! I remember when my nephew was a toddler and I was riding in the back seat with him and he would say "red means go!" and laugh uproariously. I think that was when I taught him how to play rock-paper-scissors. Anyways, I went to college in Florida so I know about the beach warning flags and the purple flag means dangerous wildlife. I don't want to know what kind of area needs a purple option on the traffic light. My girl was just being silly.

Text:
R: Red light means stop! Green light means go! Purple light means...
L: Dangerous wildlife. 

DOTA2 Tiny Diet

Happy October! 🍁
I originally was going to have a medical-type character give this advice to Tiny, but after so many tries at getting Tiny defined I went the easy route and used a Dragon Knight from an earlier comic rather than designing a Venomancer or Necrophos. A humorous part of this comic is that as Tiny levels up, he grows bigger, so to trim him down you'd need him to immature. 

Text:
Title: DOTA2: A Day in the Life - Dragon Knight
DK: My friend, you should lose some weight. 
Tiny: Back to the grindstone. 

Gaslighting

Happy early Birthday to my brother who gave me the idea for this comic! I think the appliances version of this comic works best, but I originally wrote it as people since that's my default mode. Please note that gaslighting is not a nice thing and you shouldn't do it. 

Explanation: Gaslighting is a form of manipulation, but also it's a type of stovetop (as opposed to electric). 

Text:
F: You're bad at gaslighting.
S: No I'm not - you're crazy!

Spin Doctor Junior

 

So yeah potty training is quite the journey. My preschooler likes to emphasize "it's OK! it HAPPENS!" rather forcefully for all sorts of things, some things that truly are fine and some things that really shouldn't happen. It is a good mindset for the many things that truly are ok and happen. 

Text:
R: Mommyyyyyyyyyy!
L: What's up, my girl?
R: My shirt is dry!
L: That's good to hear.
R: My shorts are a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittle bit wet BUT! It's ok! It happens!!!
L: ...Anything else to report? 
R: *deep inhale* Ineednewundies. (translation: I need new undies)

DOTA2 Feasting on Enough

 

Happy Birthday to my Grandpa!
The character Zeus has a phrase in DOTA2 which is what he's quoting here and it makes me think. Is enough really as good as a feast? I feel like if you make exactly enough food for people, then either nobody wants to eat the last pieces so people don't actually get enough, or all the food is eaten and you're left wondering if anyone was still hungry. Maybe on an individual level, if you eat enough then it doesn't matter if you were at a feast with extra or finished off all of what you had. Hmmm...

Text:
Title: DOTA2: A Day in the Life - Zeus
Enchantress: You barely brought enough food for everyone!
Zeus: Enough is as good as a feast.

Muffet Crossover

 

It's constantly surprising what a preschooler will say or fixate on. My kiddo likes Spider-Man despite never having seen a show with him. She has seen him on clothing and in books, and she really likes him. For those unaware, the Little Miss Muffet (not Muppet, that's a different crossover) rhyme reads "Along came a spider and sat down beside her."

Text:
Title: Little Miss Muffet
R: Along came Spider-Man who sat down beside her -
L: Unexpected plot twist!

DOTA2 In the Bag

 

Another DOTA2 comic! I have a few. At the beginning of the game, you can have your character exclaim that your team is going to win (it's in the bag) and each character has a phrase for that. But now I think of this when my cashier asks where he should put the receipt. 

Text:
Title: DOTA2: A Day in the Life - Dragon Knight
Storm Spirit: Where is the receipt for our questing snacks?
Dragon Knight: This, my friends, is in the bag. 

Breaching a Contract

 

Sometimes I can't decide which way lands better so I draw both ways and like both. So here are both! Also, I like all of my comics but some are definite favorites and this one is a favorite. I came up with it while playing card games with my family and I think this turn of phrase should enter the common vernacular. 

Text:
A: So what do you think?
B: Like a whale, you're breaching this contract. 

A: Why did Legal send me a whale picture?
B: Ah, you must be breaching a contract. 

Judgmental Parenting Part 1

 

Couldn't decide which version I liked better so here's both :)

I feel like this is going to be a series. Thankfully this is not a true story in that I have not gotten this unhelpful phrase thrown at me (that I recall - maybe I'm just blocking that unhelpful encounter from my memory) - but I did have the picnicking situation described happen. In my experience, other parents tend to be super helpful and understanding, and commiserating with them is a help not drain. Sometimes kids are just weird and do unexpected, unhinged things and all you can do is warn your fellow parents that this may happen to them. Also, my son really likes ducks and might just quack at you. 

Text:
J: Well, you knew what you were getting into when you decided to have kids.
L: Really?! Did I know that my kid would open up his PB&J and slap it on my leg while we were picnicking in the park with far too many ants? Did I?!?!
O: Quack! {or} *licking PB&J off my leg*

Lets Be Teetotalers

 

So this is where we are currently - it's been a rough time with this preschooler, getting her that last stretch to potty trained. Also, fun fact, I'm a big fan of tea and I don't drink alcohol. I should order more tea. Specifically, bergamot tea. 

Explanation: Teetotalers are those who don't drink alcohol - they can also be described as dry. When you're potty training a kid, you want them to keep their pants (and really everything they're wearing) dry. 

Text:
L: Not to be a teetotaler but, like, *world weary sigh* could we have at least one dry day this week???
R: Liiiiiiiittle bit wet - new undies please.

DOTA2 Dragon Waiting

 

My husband plays DOTA2 and I keep thinking up comics based on the lines I hear the characters say. In the game, the character is not waiting for his library hold to come in but I now think of this when I hear the line. The librarian is Libby, the app that many libraries use for digital access to their stacks. I recommend checking if your local library has this app - it's free and you can get all sorts of digital and audio books!

Text:
Title: DOTA2: A Day in the Life - Dragon Knight
Libby: You are fourth in line.
Dragon Knight: The dragon waits.